If you are active on Asian dating websites, you are probably often drawn to women that are much younger than you. Obviously, within the stereotypes, a younger woman is very attractive to many men. However, there are some clear disadvantages, especially when you are dating cross-culturally.
Recently, there is a movement visible where older women date younger men. The older women are called cougars, and the difference in age can be really big, sometimes even around 20 years. More often we see younger women dating older men, and the stereotype of the older western man with the young Asian bride is still valid.
I want to tell something about some disadvantages of dating a younger woman, disadvantages that you would probably not have thought of yourself from your perspective.
Some are obvious, and others are more hidden, so let's start with the more obvious:
- A young woman often does not have children herself, and if she has children, she will often want children with you too. Now this seems a beautiful thing, to have kids together, but your age difference will be even more pronounced with little children around. Little children need a lot of attention, and a young wife will be even more drawn to the children than a slightly older woman. So all her attention will go to the children, and you have to decide if you can cope with that. Children also give you sleepless nights, which is much easier to cope with when you're young. A friend of mine hooked up with a South-American girl, and they got a little baby-boy together. Daddy is 61 and Mommy is 35, and the baby had severe health problems from birth. My friend was very worried, about the baby, but also about his financial situation and about his relationship; and to make things even more complicated, his 16 year-old son from his first marriage, who was living with him, couldn't cope with all the crying and the stress, and moved out. It was not the happy family he had dreamed of. Now, obviously, he was unlucky in some respect with an ill baby, but the main picture is often the same. It looks great for a start, but when you're older, having a baby is not as easy as it was 30 years ago.
- Young women want to go out, have fun, go to restaurants and bars. We all love to go out sometimes, but often, the older we get, the less we feel like going out every weekend twice or three times. Your young spouse will feel that you have become boring and dull, and she will be discontented with her life at home when her girlfriends are out having fun. Social life in Asian countries is totally different to what we are used to in the western world, and your new partner has probably spent few nights on her own. Many people live either with friends or, more often, with family. So being at home with just the two of you could be a shock to her and she will need time to adapt - and you will need energy to keep up with her!- Young women have a greater sex-drive than older men. I know, it's not always like that, but often this rings true. And you don't want to be incapable of satisfying her in the bedroom.
- When we get older, we often start to have health issues. Now it's very nice to have a younger woman taking care of you, but if it's always that way around, she will feel like she is more of a nurse than a wife. And that's not good for your relationship in the long run. Lately, I was on holiday on a cruise-ship, and one of the couples on the boat was an older man with a much younger woman. He was probably very ill, that's how he looked like, and she dragged him around the boat. It was not a pretty sight - she was a young woman in the strength of her life, and she spent her days looking after a man who could have been her father. And she seemed not to like all of it. Even though they had obviously been together for quite a while, she did go off and talk with other people, and even went to dance herself a couple of times, while he was in the bed already. In contrast, another older couple, both far in their 70's, had fun together and seemed really happy. I don't say that age was the only factor there, but it certainly had some influence.
- A younger woman will often be more attracted to your status and your finances than a woman who is rather successful in life herself. This in itself is not a big problem, but in the long run it can mean that she will nag you to work on your career, to get a better job, to earn more money, just as you are thinking of retiring early. Your pace will be different, as she is approaching her 40's you might approach your 60's and the difference in outlook on life is remarkable. You might be a young 60-something, but the age gap will only increase the older you get. Not all women realise that, and many of them will become very unhappy with their marriage, just because the age gap is becoming a big problem. If you are divorced, there are extra complications: you have been there, seen it, got the t-shirt; and for her everything is new. This does make a difference.
- Dating a young woman often also means dating a less educated woman. Which means that all those nights you spend together, will probably be send watching TV. She talks to her girlfriends about the things which interest her - and that is certainly not what interests you! And you will need friends and buddies to talk about your interests, because she won't have a clue what you're talking about. One of my friends is really tired of not being able to talk anything intelligent with his wife: whether politics, the warming up of the globe or energy-friendly cars, she is not interested and she looks blank at him if he even mentions it. The only things she can talk about is the kids, fashion and the latest diet. Not a stimulating environment to exchange ideas and thoughts. So, for me, intellectual compatibility goes a far stretch in long-term relationships.
Great article, worth the read before falling.
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